Member-only story
My ex didn’t say a lot of profound things, but this one thing really stuck with me.
We were walking through a garden centre and came across some bonsai trees. I thought they were really cute. But he didn’t.
He said that bonsai trees make him sad because their potential has been stunted. They would have been big, strong trees if their roots hadn’t been so contained.
This strikes me now as a good metaphor for the conundrum that many abuse survivors experience. We have big potential, but often we don’t live big because our default setting is to keep ourselves small.
Isn’t that sad but true? Small means safe.
Small means going unnoticed and not rocking the boat. Small also means we don’t put our needs first or get our voices heard.
We make space for others to spread their roots out, ensuring they get all the water and nutrients. We keep our branches small too, so we don’t get as much sun. We compromise our healing and stunt our own potential.
That’s okay though. We are fine with not seeing enough sun as long as we don’t upset anyone else by blocking their daylight. If we don’t upset anyone else, then we are still safe.
