Member-only story
The Guilt We Feel For Defining Our Boundaries
We often hear advice about setting our boundaries and sticking to them. But we don’t often hear about what to do with the uncomfortable feelings this brings up.
If you are in a position now which requires you to learn boundary setting, it wasn’t only fate that brought you here.
Those of us who grew up with difficult families are often the ones with the lowest boundaries. It is how we were raised.
Growing up with conditional love and approval teaches us early that our value is in what we can do for others.
Over time this becomes our identity. We are the helpers, the ‘good friend’ who always comes through… we may even be a pushover to the wrong people.
Those wrong people see our need to be useful from a mile away, and take full advantage of us.
If you’ve read this far, then you and I are alike. I always found my value and identity in being the helper.
When I tried to stop, my emotions went crazy. Especially my over-active feelings of guilt. I really wanted to address this, so that our misplaced guilt doesn’t set us back on our journey to healthy boundaries.
