People Pleasing Can Be More Subtle Than You Think
I’ve done a lot of therapy over the years. For the most part, I thought I was free of my people pleasing habit.
I can say no.
Then I can go to bed that night and sleep, instead of having a mental meltdown about how much saying no might have harmed my image.
I am more myself with friends, and have trimmed my circle down to just those people I feel safe with. I never go to social events that I don’t want to attend anymore.
But I found another layer to my people pleasing – and it’s more in my behaviour with strangers.
This morning, I was sat on the train going to work. I wanted to use the toilet. But I didn’t want to be annoying to the passenger sitting next to the toilet.
Those train toilets are gross. If you sit near them and the door opens, a waft of toilet smell comes out.
So I waited and held my bladder.
Two stops later, that passenger got off. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I went to the toilet quickly, before anyone else sat near it.
Why did I care enough to do this?
Why didn’t I put my needs first?
After all, if you choose to sit next to the toilet then you make that choice knowing people will use it. Right?
Apparently I care about inconveniencing strangers, and I worry about what they think of me.
Have you ever caught yourself doing this too?
Personally, I am going to work on this.
People pleasing is an energy drainer. I don’t want to waste my energy like that. Especially not in a city like London, where you rarely see the same strangers twice, and people don’t help each other.
I’ve been sick/injured on the streets of London. I even had a panic attack on a train recently. Not one person stopped to check if I was okay.
When this is the world we live in, I don’t think we can afford to worry about what random people on the train think of us.
I also don’t think we have any spare energy to waste – on anything.
