Are you stuck in this rut too?
I almost wrote: “Are you guilty of this too?” as it’s a catchier title. But then I reminded myself that guilt is a part of the problem, so I didn’t want an accusatory tone in my voice.
We beat ourselves up enough. This is the crux of the problem.
Most of us are aware that self care is important for physical and mental health. At the same time, most of us don’t have much time for ourselves.
Between work, more work and family commitments, we take only what’s left at the very end of the day.
Personally, my self care is basic at best. When I get home from work, I have little time in the evenings. This is because I work long hours, travel far, then I’m prioritising getting 7.5 hours of sleep – an act of basic self care in itself.
In the evenings I also rehydrate from a day of not drinking enough at my job, and make sure I eat some vegetables.
All pretty simple stuff that ticks the physical self care box. There isn’t really time for being sociable or engaging in hobbies – you know, the luxury end of self care that ticks the mental health box.
The scary thing is that many of us lack time for even the simplest stuff, like the water and sleep.
Why we do this
I’m in the pre milenial camp. My grandparents were in World War Two, and their voices are always in my head.
If I’m feeling exhausted by my jobs (I have two due to the cost of living), their voice in my head reminds me I’m lucky to have regular work and should not complain.
When I’m feeling bored of the same budget meals and crave a take away (which isn’t in my budget), their voice in my head reminds me they survived the war on rations.
The generation that were born after me have a different kind of pressure. Millennials grew up being told that if they want to buy a house they need to quit getting takeaway coffees and avocados.
Of all the ridiculous things… no one can buy a house because the economy is stacked against working people. It has little to do with coffee and avocado. In fact, the odd treat could be an important act of self care that we deny ourselves in our quest to get ahead in life.
We refuse ourselves simple joys in life due to the pressure of living in an unaffordable world. This is why self care has been replaced with after care, which is the last chance to fix ourselves before we completely burn out.
These acts of after care are things like buying better quality food or supplements, only when our body is succumbing to illness. Or taking time off to recover only when we cannot push ourselves any further. Finally saying no to our boss when it is literally our last option.
A turning point
At least we are finally awakening to the fact that over-working is not a badge of honour. This is a start.
Although it’s easy to get stuck in a loop of working harder and feeling guilty for resting, I am starting to reach a turning point. Other people I speak to say the same.
There is only so long that a human being can live as a ‘human doing’, before something snaps.
I think we are all becoming aware that the society we live in is not set up to support our physical or mental health. Not unless we are at the absolute top of the pile – I’m thinking of those who sit in government.
Those at the top are not looking out for us. We absolutely have to look out for ourselves.
So ask yourself if your self care is really after care.
If so, nobody is going to save you, but yourself. So what are you willing to do about it? What one small thing could you change today that will help you feel better tomorrow?
Yes, it’s going to be a small thing. Not too many avocados or take away coffees!
Mind you, if the avocado is the only green thing you eat after a week of instant noodles, then it’s after care, not self care. In other words, too little too late to help you feel better.
Choose something you can manage that will help you take better care of yourself.
