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Estrangement Runs in my Family Too

Sometimes it really is for the best

4 min readJul 14, 2022

I’ve always been vocal about how I estranged myself from my parents at a young age.

I always felt it was important to share that getting out of a toxic situation can be the best option, even if you feel all kinds of guilt and shame around it. For some, it is literally life-saving.

However, I hadn’t considered that estrangement, or the behaviours and traits involved, can also run in the family — and it happened in two generations of mine that I know about.

It was an article in Psychologies that made me put down my coffee and really think about estrangement across the generations.

Just the facts

This is a lot more common than I ever realised when I look at the data.

(On a side note, I’ve been enjoying Erica in Season 4 of Stranger Things. So I was dying to use ‘just the facts’ as an opener)

A 2014 study by UK charity Stand Alone found that 8% of study participants from around the UK had cut contact with a family member. This gives the impression that around 5 million UK people, at the time of the study, were estranged from a family member.

After decades of trying to befriend my mom I finally just stopped trying. The heartache I continually gave myself by attempting to get my mother’s notice and attention was draining me. Letting go was the best thing for me. I don’t think she ever…

Some research says 27% of us experience estrangement. I do think consciousness of the importance of relationships can strengthen the bonds, or sever them. The third option is to put strict boundaries around relationships, and communicate them. It's complicated.